My parents are both from the South. Mom from Houma, LA and Dad from Little Rock, AR. Both pairs of grandparents were sharecroppers. They died working land that did not belong to them and earned little more than the shabby 'shotgun' housing they were provided for the privilege. They died under the weight of unfulfilled promises and decimated dreams. Both Mom and Dad speak of the dehumanizing horrors of growing up under Jim Crow. The baggage they heaped on me and my sibs was heavy with despair and fear of white retribution for any small misstep. The strategy was to suppress any glimmer of boldness in hopes we would stay in our place and not be arrested, beaten, lynched or worse. I don't believe they were able to separate their own life experience from that of their children, who grew up during the Civil Rights Movement, when stepping outside the lines was necessary if we were to reclaim any small modicum of our humanity.
In my house, there was no talk about being able to do and be anything. I was discouraged from speaking out in opposition to any authority figure. The pursuit of a creative career was out of the question --- I owed it to my family to choose a vocation that was practical and ensured a good job. By the time I stepped onto my path as a healer, I stood alone and away from my familial base of support. To this day, every setback is met with self-talk that says I'm not worthy. I've not paid my dues. I don't deserve the life of my dreams. I should have majored in something more practical and I should never have started such an airy-fairy business. I should just get a job and be done with immature fantasies of owning my own successful business. The loving limitations of my predecessors often speak louder than the limitless encouragement of my soul.
When I get hit with crippling bouts of fear, desperation and internal discouragement, here's a little something I do to quiet the noise of the nay-sayers in my head.
ITEMS NEEDED
WHAT TO DO
Each time you catch yourself thinking negatively, write it in your journal.
At the end of each day, take a moment to review the negative comments. Address each comment by writing why that statement is not true. It may look something like this:
Negative thought: I'm never going to be a business success. It's time to give it up and get a full-time job.
Replacement truth: That's untrue. I'm already a business success and I have a full-time job --- it's my business.
Negative thought: The reason I don't have enough money is because I don't deserve it. I should have majored in something practical so I could find and keep a good job.
Replacement truth: That's untrue. I have plenty of money to meet my every need. I am deserving of every blessing bestowed by the Universe.
Negative thought: You're ugly and you need to lose weight.
Replacement truth: That's untrue. I'm beautiful and made in the image of The Creator. I am exactly the right size, right now. When and if I release weight, I will be exactly the right size at that time.
At the end of each day, read the negative thoughts and replacement thoughts aloud. After each, say aloud:
I send this thought into the flame. No more of my life force can it claim.
Repeat this ritual each day for a week. If the candle hasn't burned completely, allow it to do so on the 7th day.
Remember to give thanks for the healing that is taking place every day.